Patriarchy starts at the hospital

My wife and I crossed a major milestone during the last quarter of 2022. We had a baby girl. She is so pretty, we constantly wonder how was this possible! Genetics works in mysterious ways, I guess.

When I was at the hospital for my wife’s delivery, I noticed something.

Everyone at the hospital – from the staff to random strangers on the elevator, thought of the same thing. They assumed I had a boy. They addressed the baby using male pronouns. For instance, I was bringing the baby back to the room after her vaccination and a bunch of nurses and ward aides saw the baby on the elevator and asked me “Ayya jolly ah thoongurara?” (meaning “Is the mister happily sleeping?”). I said, “Ayya illa Amma”

Our society has a greediness towards male children, and it starts right from the hospital. This happens everywhere. Hospital workers often demand a more generous “tip” if a couple delivered a male child. I heard of an incident where a hospital worker asked one of my relatives in the delivery ward “Is it a boy?”, and they said it was a girl. The hospital staff replied, “Oh! You looked too happy. So, I thought you must’ve had a boy”.

These subtle, unconscious bias towards the male gender sows the seeds for patriarchy in our society. It’s great that we’re taking steps toward women’s education, safety, etc. But, we should also be conscious about how we perceive their arrival into this world. Because when a huge part of a society has a perception, it eventually becomes the way.

What I observed could be too small. But, it worries me as a father. How am I going to change it? I don’t know. I’m still figuring out how to be around a baby. But I want to put this thought out into the world so that more people can realize the unconscious bias around us.